Couple's Retreat

Couple's Retreat

"Dave and Ronnie, Jason and Cynthia, and Joey and Lucy are close. The group used to include Shane and Jennifer, but they divorced and she's gone. Jason and Cynthia announce that their marriage is in trouble, and they beg their friends (and Shane's young girlfriend) to join them on a couples' retreat, at the package rate, on a tropical island. The others reluctantly agree, planning to play while Jason and Cynthia work on their marriage with an island psychologist. To everyone's surprise, the package is inflexible: each couple must participate in the couples' exercises. Soon fault lines appear in all four relationships. What's in store for each couple?"



2 stars

I wasn’t expecting too much from this movie and that’s exactly what I got. I have to say I was a little disappointed though because Jason Bateman, Vince Vaughn, and (to a lesser extent) Kristen Bell have some pretty respectable comedic chops. But the weird thing was that not only did they not use those chops, it seems like they didn’t even try to. The writing was a little heavier than you would expect for a comedy. In the couple’s therapy sessions in particular I thought I was going to laugh pretty hard. But the advice the therapists gave actually ended up being pretty good and meaningful, and there’s just no place for that.

The story is pretty bland and the plot is more than predictable. However, it was shot on location in Bora Bora and the visual aspect of the movie is ridiculous. I am officially putting it on the list of places I want to visit before I’m 40. But the cascading waterfalls aren’t the only nice lookin’ scenery around, if you know what I mean. Let’s face it, the ladies are pretty damn hot. There is no other proof required that God loves America than the fact that 4 over-weight, above-average looking guys can have 4 bangin’ wives. And, shockingly enough, Kristin Davis is the oldest woman in the movie by a good 13 years but she is BY FAR the sexiest. If nothing else guys, watch the scene towards the beginning of the movie when the couples strip down to their underwear. I don’t know if it’s possible to wear down a DVD like you can a tape, but let’s just say that I hit on that scene more than once.

The movie ends up having kind of a sweet ending, but nothing that would redeem it enough to make it a good movie. From a strictly shallow perspective, the hot women and tropical locale make it work renting on a Sunday night and having on in the background while you clean the house.

Yes Man

Yes Man

"The banker Carl Allen is a lonely man with low self-esteem after his divorce with Stephanie, for whom he still yearns. He avoids his best friend Peter. He has a boring job, stalled in a bureaucratic position in the loan department of a bank; and he spends his spare time watching DVDs. When he meets by chance his former high school mate Nick, he is convinced to participate of a self-help program called "Yes Man" leaded by the guru Terrence Bundley. The basic principle of the program is to say "yes" to new situations, leaving the negativism aside. Carl misunderstands the concept and says "yes" to every question. While leaving the encounter, he helps a homeless man and in the end of the night he meets the gorgeous Allison that helps him with her scooter. His life completely changes with his new attitude."

2.5 stars

This is a stupid little movie with a decent message. The concept of Carpe Diem seems to have itself personified by a movie every few years or so. There's Dead Poets Society, The Emperor's Club, Last Holiday, The Bucket List, and the great Ferris Bueller's Day Off just to name a few. Each of which takes its own stab at reminding us that life is just a series of moments and the more we capture, the more we'll enjoy it. While it may sound cliche, I have to agree with the message of all these films. But that doesn't necessarily mean that they're worth watching.

The one thing about Yes Man that I will say surprised me is the lack of similarity it had to Carrey's previous Liar, Liar. I fully anticipated Carrey's character to be hypnitozed (or something to the like) early on in the film during the YES motivational seminar. This would, no doubt, lead him on a series of whacky adventures and place him in situations that are just downright silly. But that wasn't the case here, so kudos to the writer for actually adding a little weight to the film and some heart along with it.

It was also painfully clear that Carrey was trying to go back to the "slapstick well" that initially lifted him to A-list status during the 90s. Something he really hasn't done since Me, Myself, and Irene 10 years ago. The goofy faces, comedic voices, and wildly flailing arms are back in full force as the 48 year old Carrey tries to win the affections of the 30 year old Zooey Deschanel who could basically be his daughter. While his physical comedic prowess is still better than most, I would prefer he continue the dramatic stuff that has resulted in some great films like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Man on the Moon.

All in all, this movie will result in a few chuckles and a few moments that will make you smile, but there really isn't too much to it. I'm just glad that this time he refrained from bending over and talking out of his ass. Actually, now that I think about it that was pretty funny.

Secondhand Lions

Secondhand Lions

"13 year old Walter has had a hard life, with his no good floozy of a mother getting together with many equally despicable men. Before going on yet another husband-hunting trip, she drops him off at the house of his great-uncles Hub and Garth. They disappeared for quite a while in their youth, and are rumored to have acquired a great fortune, which Walter's mother hopes to get her hands on if he can ingratiate himself enough to the two cantankerous men. Though reluctant to put up with him at first, Hub and Garth grow to accept Walter, and even tell him fantastic stories of what they were up to while they went missing. When his mother returns, Walter must take charge of his own life, and decide what he's going to do with it."

2 stars

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Todd, what the hell are you doing reviewing this movie? It doesn't really fall into the category of movies you spend your immensely valuable time on." To you sir, (not ma'am because lets face it, a woman's opinion doesn't matter) I say don't judge so quickly! Wouldn't you like it if a quiet little movie like this were able to fly under the radar and then somehow, as if pulled by the hand of fate, find its way into your life at the exact right time? A time at which, due to your emotional state, you were able to identify so much with it that it automatically becomes a touching, personal favorite that is down right life altering. And a movie that had such an impact that you will be sitting in your living room one day years from now with your starry-eyed grandson on your knee while you play this wonderful film in an effort to connect with your kin and hopefully share a moment that he will remember long after you've passed into the Great Beyond? Well, friend I too share that dream, but unfortunately this wasn't it.

Secondhand Lions is probably pretty much what you think it is, and anyone that has graduated the 4th grade would probably be able to guess the entire plot based on just reading the summary blurb above. I can't say I'm that disappointed because I really didn't have any desire to see it in the first place. I actually only saw it because it was playing during Jury Duty. Between trying to strike up an conversation with the hot girl next to me and vehemently praying to Allah that I didn't get selected to actually sit on the "exercise in human de-evolution" that is an American Jury, I really had nothing better to do than watch the movie that County Clerk Bernice (I swear that was her name) told us Judge Roberts had hand-picked for us.

The plot actually wasn't unbearable and maybe could have managed a little entertainment if anyone involved with the film actually gave a flying fuck. As legendary as they are, Michael Caine and Robert Duval probably wouldn't disagree with you if you accused them of "phoning in" their respective performances. They also weren't able to create enough of a dichotomy between the characters. Michael Caine was supposed to portray the younger, more timid brother. But, as anyone who had seen in him in other films knows, he pretty much owns any room that he walks into, so both Duval and him pretty much ended up playing the same role. Conversely, it seemed like Haley Joel Osment was actually trying, and it was almost unwatchable at times. He looked like he was attempting to remember everything he possibly learned in the acting courses that he undoubtedly had to take once his voice finally cracked and he realized he couldn't make it on his boyish looks and creepy one-liners to Bruce Willis. But it just wasn't that good and frankly it made you feel like you were watching something at a community theatre. Wait, what's that?! Listen children, if you're very, very quiet you may just be able to make out the sound of a child actor's career being quietly suffocated in its sleep.

Again, while it's not horrible, I can't really justify telling you to spend any of your time watching it. If you accidentally end up with the DVD in your possession, maybe it's worth fast forwarding through just to see Emmanuelle Vaugier (one of the sexiest women in Hollywood today) spend some scenes as an Arab harem girl. But overall, the dialogue makes most Disney movies look like a Tarantino film and the pace is about as dull as a party at Sad Keanu Reeves' house.

Vantage Point

Vantage Point

"The President of the United States is in Salamanca, Spain, about to address the city in a public square. We see a plain-clothes cop, his girlfriend with another man, a mother and child, an American tourist with a video camera, and a Secret Service agent newly returned from medical leave. Shots ring out and the President falls; a few minutes later, we hear a distant explosion, then a bomb goes off in the square. Those minutes are retold, several times, emphasizing different characters' actions. Gradually, we discover who's behind the plot. Is the Secret Service one step ahead, or have the President's adversaries thought of everything?"

1 star

I had almost forgotten about this movie until I saw a preview for it coming up on the FX network this weekend. After re-watching about 10 minutes of the movie, I realized that I hadn't forgotten about it as much as I had intentionally blocked its lackluster existence from my memory. This movie is bad, like eye rolling bad. There are plenty of movies out there that are awful, but some of them are at least aware of it (American Pie 4,5,&6 I'm looking at you). But because a movie is aware of its shittiness, it doesn't take itself too seriously and sometimes it can actually pass for watchable fare. Unfortunately someone forgot to tell this to the filmmakers of Vantage Point because the movie's own pretentiousness does nothing more than add to the already copious amount of nails in this particular cinematic coffin.

Once again I was disappointed by a movie whose trailer looked bad ass. The premise seemed to have a lot of potential and the fact that the movie was set in Salamanca (where I studied for a summer) made this a movie I actually went to see in theaters. If only I had known . . .

The film, predictably, relies too heavily on the "replay gimmick". The assassination is basically a 10 minute segment that is replayed 8 times from 8 different perspectives. Had the plot been halfway intriguing or at least provided enough mystery to keep the audience engaged then maybe the movie could have been saved. Instead it's just dull, so much so that the audience I was with actually started laughing by the time the 5th replay started. It was clear we all knew that this was a piece of crap and the mood changed to everyone trying to guess in their heads just how much longer this exercise in futility was going to take to roll over and die. As you might have guessed, the "twist ending" wasn't a "twist" at all and had it come about 45 mintutes sooner, we would have all been a lot happier.

I'll go ahead and make a statement that I will stick by in ALL future reviews. There are only 2 movies out there that revolved around a distinctive narrative style and were still able to be thoroughly entertaining despite the fact that they contained relatively mediocre plot lines. Those film would be Pulp Fiction and Memento. Everything else, this movie in particular, just couldn't quite pull it off. I hate panning this movie so hard especially since Forest Whitaker is in it and I'm a big fan of his. But luckily he had the good sense to pass on directing this one so his sin was only limited to the acting arena.